Not gonna lie, I’ve been at a loss for how to start writing this post for some time now. Maybe because there’s so much I could say, but also so much that just doesn’t need to be said at the same time. Four years of dating definitely isn’t forever, but it’s also enough to have given us our fair share of precious lessons. I know every relationship is unique and there’s no “one size fits all” model that will for sure work with you and yours- but I do sincerely hope that the couple things I’ve learned can be an encouragement to you and for God to use it for whatever purpose He will in your heart.
I could share all about my relationship with Micah, our story, and all that, and while I’m sure there will be a time for that- I really wouldn’t even know where to begin. I don’t even know what I could say that would ever accurately portray all that God has done in our lives. But what I would love to share are the gems Jesus taught me as my heart prepared for entering a relationship with Micah- or anyone for that matter.
Let me start with this question- apparently waiting is a game? Especially within the Christian circle, I hear this idea get thrown around like candy all the time by my peers. And don’t get me wrong- I’m positive I threw it around my fair share too! We have this belief that if we struggle through this torturous wait long enough, maybe, just maybe, then God will grant us that picture perfect person. My friends- I’m so glad love doesn’t work like that. I’m so glad your Saviors love for YOU doesn’t work like that. Waiting is a beautiful and absolutely biblical concept, but from what I have learned first hand, also incredibly misunderstood.
Personal side note- I never planned on dating. Or even ever settling down. I never really truly had a crush before or understood what it would look like to be in a relationship. I was always a beat-of-your-own-drum, independent (to a fault at times), kind of girl. A relationship wasn’t in my future because even if it was, I wouldn’t let it. I genuinely didn’t want one. I wanted to live. I was so content by myself I thought for sure God just hadn’t given me that desire. To the point where when my independent heart started feeling a flicker of anything for Micah, I convinced myself I was just getting carried away. Because I didn’t have the desire. It wasn’t real. It was all emotions. Or maybe it wasn’t… But even if it was, I was definitely mistaken because God wanted me to be waiting on Him. And His timing. His always infamous and almost unreachable timing. That riddle that I was so desperate to know more than anything else.
So I guess that’s what I would like to talk about. This idea of waiting and Gods timing and finding Mr. Right. To the hyper independent girl who’s been holding out for….well for who knows what. I’m not even sure she knows.
Friends, if you are anything like me- this process was exhausting. Now granted, I was running from relationships. Not even for a particular reason, but because I loved my independence, and a relationship was the opposite of that in my mind.
When did all of that change for me? Well, not ironically enough, but when I met Micah. And not right out the gate, after almost a year of friendship. Like I said, my independence was my lifeline. “Riding Solo” by Jason Derulo was my shameless anthem. I thought I had it all figured out because since when is “waiting” or a “not yet” NOT God’s answer? But God used Micah to show me a more tangible and accurate picture of His heart for me.
You see, there was nothing about Micah that sought to take. He had every desire to simply give. He didn’t want to take my independence. He wanted to empower me. To build me up, to believe in me and walk with me. But most of all, more than anything, there’s something Micah wanted most from me- my trust.
…there was nothing about Micah that sought to take. He had every desire to simply give.
Remind you of someone? Without paralleling him too closely, Micah showed me Christ’s heart for me. In a new way than I had ever let myself notice before. Make no mistake, we are both sinners in desperate need of a Savior, but God used Micah to show me His heart for His daughter. Micah showed me a love that was different than what I had convinced myself the terms should be, what and when was “correct”, and as a result, this reinvented a love relationship with Him for me. I was running so hard to my independence and calling it my relationship with Jesus but still missing His heart behind it all the while. I was so ignorant of His intentions behind the “wait” and His promises in the “timing”.
But maybe for you it’s different. Maybe you have had several relationships, or one serious one, or a couple “we don’t even know how to label this”. Maybe you have never struggled with hyper independence, but whatever it is, maybe you’ve felt this feeling before. The sinking feeling that Gods timing on this is always going to be “wait”. That going forward is wrong because His timing is almost never ours, and because of that we should be focusing on Him and not our emotions. Because after all, if we can’t wait now then maybe we aren’t even ready in the first place and so on and so on. You see what I mean? Like as if His timing is something that should just be crystal clear and if it isn’t we are either not waiting enough or not in love with Him enough to discern it yet.
We cling to our independence and our routine, our preconceived notions about God and His reasons. And it happens to the best of us- the most “sold out” Christians.
We sit around waiting and waiting for Mr. Right, when we should be dwelling with our Savior. I know, I know, this isn’t new- but hear me out.
Re-evaluate with me for a minute. Pause and reread that. Think in terms of your Kings heart for you in it. His intentions. The reasons He might have as Sovereign Lord for the “why” behind His methods. Think in terms of Him as an almighty God who actually has only confetti-flying, bursting-at-the-seams good for you. A God who is planning flood gates of blessings for you because it quickens His heart to just LOVE you.
Now think on that with me again. When waiting for Person Right, He wants you to dwell with Him. In the waiting and during. And after and forever. He wants to gently loosen your white-knuckled grip on your independence not to take it, but to give you true purpose.
You see, when we are dwelling with Him we are allowing something to happen. We are allowing ourselves to be satisfied. Satisfied with all we have in Him. Satisfied because we trust that someone elses plans are for our best. That He hasn’t forgotten our desires deep down, because He actually placed them there.
…when we are dwelling with Him we are allowing something to happen. We are allowing ourselves to be satisfied.
Entering a relationship with Micah was a beautiful thing because I opened myself up to new. To what wasn’t part of the plan. To the unexpected. Saying yes to Micah meant saying yes to possibility. To risk. To what I wasn’t accounting for. Because he didn’t seek to take. He didn’t want my independence. He wanted me.
Waiting might be scary. Heck, it totally is! But it isn’t as bad when our souls are quenched. It’s hard to feel like you’re missing out when you are full already. I’m not talking someone you keep in your pocket that makes you feel good in case you need a pick me up while you wait- I’m talking about a good, solid, true, pure and honest soul satisfaction. It’s found in Him.
See, I was ready for Micah when I was already full. When I wasn’t searching or yearning. Even when I wasn’t avoiding either. When I put down the aimless striving and dwelled with my Savior for no other reason than because I wanted to let Him love on me instead of fighting it.
It’s hard to be ready for the unexpected when you’re stuck in the routine. But let me assure you of this- when you are in a state of soul satisfaction and fullness in your title as a daughter of the King, you won’t miss Mr. Right. There’s not a chance you won’t be ready for or recognize him. And being full isn’t as unreachable as it sounds- it’s actually just being with God. Whatever that looks like.
Micah is a tangible reason in my life I have for remembering the Lords grace for me. Not for what I am lucky I have because I shouldn’t have ever deserved it, or for what I could do for him now that I have him, but because he loves me. That’s it. No strings attached. No earning, yearning, or aimless waiting. Just grace. Just God being good and being a good God.
See, you will need that soul satisfaction way before Prince Charming and you will need it just as much after. Because the waiting game isn’t actually a game. It’s a fight for your peace. For your future. For your heart, dear friend. For your soul.
He’s still working on me. I’m no where near having mastered this concept, and some days are harder than others. But thankfully His standard isn’t arriving or perfection. Thank goodness His promise of that special person doesn’t come at the price of when we give up our independence or when we “get it right” or else friends I would have never found Micah.
I know especially with this, we aren’t all the same and everyone has a different story. But as believers we can be united in the promise that He isn’t finished with us yet. Every day that we dwell with Him, He is working out our faith in us. Drawing us closer and closer to Him- and after all, isn’t that what it’s all about?
Waiting isn’t meant to kill us. And His timing isn’t meant to be an impossible, unattainable task.
He just wants you- not to take, but for what He can give. And He plans on giving. Even giving you someone. But it might mean laying down your independence. Not all together- just as you know it to be. And trust me, it’ll be the best choice you ever make.
…He just wants you- not to take, but for what He can give.
So just be. Remain in His love. Stay planted there- and know you most definitely aren’t alone.
Jesus, I pray I never allow this world to distract me from the satisfaction I need in you. I pray my restless and independent craving heart would not muddy my view of your good, good plans for me. I ask that you fill me so that I can recognize all that you desire to give me. Lord I pray for when I am not filled, that self condemnation would not keep me from you but rather your Holy Spirit would woo me back with your grace to be quenched. That even my dry moments would not be defeat but reason for me to find that satisfaction in you all over again. Lord, I thank you that nothing in this world can ever compare to the love you have for me. I thank you that because of that I will never need or know a greater love. I thank you that by that love I can have the hope of loving others too.
In Jesus name